It’d be easy.
One sniff, snort, jab, inhale away, pleasure lies like a fleeting queen, you couldn’t find her on your way, so you went out of your way. To her special place. The mythical land, which strangers told you about, full of hopes, promises and experiences.
And it can’t be easier. Dirt cheap, readily available. Catapult yourself, for a while, to another reality, free yourself from the shackles of mortal solitude for a while, till reality comes crashing down upon you like a tidal wave, devised by your own hand. Hear the sharp crackle of your joint when you inhale, feel it go down to your lungs. The sharp burning sensation of your trachea protesting the influx of so many foreign chemicals right into your pulmonary lifesource, every inch of evolutionary resistance. But the brain knows. Ah. It’s all good. In a while my dear friend, it says, there will be no more resistance, no more cause to worry. Float along and you will See the answer.For the next couple of hours, at least.
And then do it again.
Every human being gets off on something. Be it drugs, pain, attention, 4chan, big tits, food, or the Australian wallaby. Everybody needs their fix.
Thankfully I found my own when I was in nursery.
I remember it clear as yesterday. Me, in all my 5 year old glory. Her, a childhood memory, all her imperfection and flaws polished and buffed by time and affection, making her the most beautiful woman that I remember. Yes. In all her 5 year old glory. Her holding my hand, and whispering something in my ear. Me grinning from ear to ear. Shyly, we look into each other’s eyes, and since it is taboo, and we want to know how it feels, our lips meet in a fleeting frozen moment in time.
And for the first time in my life, I feel alive, body tingling with electricity, more complete in ways that I feel even now. The surge of serotonin and dopamine surging through my system, sending it into overdose, and creating a need that till now, borders on insanity.
The elusive quest for searching out your counterpart in another soul, of creating a connection, and enjoy as you both submit to each other, completely and utterly, intertwining your essence with hers, until you lie spent with your two uttermost, primeval, evolutionary needs satisfied – Survival, and Replication. The caveman is happy. The caveman knows his genes will go on. The dopamine release is going into overdrive now. And it’s setting a dangerous precedent. Will it ever be enough? Will this fire consume me inside itself? Do I even give a fuck?
My proverbial fix.
My favorite addiction.